Friday, December 01, 2006


I Suck At Blogs (ISAB)

Britney Spears' vagina. There I said it. Doesn't matter why you came to this blog, it's been festering in your mind. For years, you thought it was this great thing. A thing you would never behlod. You thought it was the Mecca of all vaginas. And then, like waking up the next morning with a fat chick, you stare at it bewildered how such a thing happened. It is quite possibly the foulest vagina ever. Now don't get me wrong... I'd still hit it just for the story to tell my buddies, but you definitely will not see my face in between those stretch-mark laden thighs. No sir.

And here it is...

Now that we've gotten that out of the way we can talk about poker.

These last few months have been a little crazy. I started playing seriously again at the beginning of September. This involved a deposit of $250 on to Full Tilt which is 15,189.60 Pakistani Rupee. And I'll tell you what a Rupee goes pretty far these days, just ask good ole Osama Bin Laden.

So with such a heft bankroll, I excersized proper BR management. I was playing $25 full ring ("$0.10/$0.25"). But quite frankly, none of you care about such puny limits anyway.

Then it happened. Black Thursday. I walk into my office and get fired. Nice. I really hated my job anyway and probably should have left before getting canned, but shoulda-woulda-coulda right? So here I am with no job and aspirations of TP/MM (Turn Pro, Make Millions for the ancronymically impared). What better chance eh?

My bankroll was hovering around $750ish and I was still stuck at the $25 game, as I wanted at least $1k before moving up. Being unemployed is +EV and very quickly I was able to move to $50 NL and hit the ground running.

I also began to play a lot live. By "a lot," I mean, more than I should of. The game I played was a pretty poor format. $2/$5 Spread - Limit, $200 max buy / $200 max bet. It's not exactly the kind of game you want to be playing when you're playing for food. Yeah, it's lucrative, but you just don't have the hand volume to compensate for the inevitable bad beats. I should have stayed online. I still managed about 40k hands, so it wasn't the end of the world.

The good news that resulted from my playing was that I met a rich dude who owns an IT company. He was quick to realize my talent, intelligence, charm, rugged good looks and overall awesomeness. The stupid Nazi-esque banking transaction ban became reality, and I decided it'd be best to take a 9 to 5. Besides, this guy is going to stake me for the WSOP in '07 so it's not a bad gig. He hired me on to do staffing, so my dream of TP/MM was over... for now.

The results of my short stint as a professional poker player (again) were pretty decent. At incredibly low stakes I was able to make some decent coin. Not really much to write home about in terms of other online players, but definitely more than I was making at my previous job. But here's the catch. Building your bankroll >>>>> anything else. Even if you're pulling $4k, $5k or even $8k a month, you really aren't leaving yourself room to grow your bankroll to play at stakes that will allow you to live comfortably. Even only taking out $2k for living expenses, I began running a treadmill that seemed never ending. My bankroll was growing slower than I anticipated, even though my win-rate was higher than I had first conservatively thought.

Then came my first few sessions of $100NL. Ouch. That game sucks. I was running bad, and starting to play bad and starting to lose my confidence. I went something like 0.8 PTBB/100 over 12k hands for a wopping profit of about 2 buy-ins. Yay. I started tilting again. The whole thing was a clusterfuck and I was glad I had taken a 9-5 job (actually, 7:30am to 5:30, but who's counting?) After much toil and deliberation, I have decided that 70% of my bad luck at $100NL was indeed bad luck, 25% was bad play and 5% was tilt. Playing very similarly my Win at Show Down rate at $50NL was about 54%. At $100NL it was 46% or so. Disgustingly bad. Not to go down "bad beat Boo-Hoo" lane, but there were at least a half-dozen times my sets were outdrawn for all my chips. Not to mention BACK TO BACK HANDS of set over set where I had the underset. I have never seen such heinous cards and hopefully it will end soon. I also spiked 2 royals in the same "ass-rapeage" phase, but they're not even worth mentioning due to how awful everything else was.

So now I've dropped back down to $50 to rebuild my confidence. So far, not so good. My first few sessions went very smoothly, but then the last 2 weeks or so have been pretty bad even there. Thank God for my short handed limit game, or I wouldn't be showing a profit at all. People are SO bad at short handed limit, it's sick. The swings can be brutal and tilt is a factor that is intensely magnified as you will witness people at $3/$6 and even higher, draw out with no pair and no draw on the flop. Just remember that this is a result of your good playing. If you can make someone call bets with no pair, no draw and not even high-card, you are playing fantastically. If they catch, fuck 'em. They're donkies and will be spanked in the long run.

Yeah baby! My tourny game is back. I've probably played on average 1 tournament every other day from October on, and here are the results:
Total Winnings: $860
Total Final Tables: 2

11/25/2006 Hold'em NL $10+$0 21st out of 1,216 WON:$57
11/15/2006 Hold'em DS NL $10+$0 4th out of 596 WON:$521
10/29/2006 Hold'em NL $10+$0 54th out of 967 WON:$26
10/26/2006 Hold'em NL $24+$0 47th out of 831 WON:$53
10/26/2006 Hold'em NL $5+$0 5th out of 356 WON:$124
10/25/2006 Hold'em NL $10+$0 24th out of 287 WON:$17
10/14/2006 Hold'em NL $5+$0 35th out of 465 WON:$9
10/02/2006 Hold'em NL $24+$0 33rd out of 592 WON:$53

My tournament game is definitely solid. About 3 of those tournaments I should have Final Tabled. We're talking sick beats. If I recall, 2 of my beats that took me out of the tourny after going deep were 4%-ers and one was AA vs QQ pre-flop (Q on the river). And I recall at least 1 or 2 in which some retard makes a deepstack call for all of their chips with very low pocket pair against my shoved AK. For as long as I've played tournaments I've always taken sick sick sick beats late in a tournament and it was kept me from that big cash.

The 11/25/06 $10 NL tourny gets special mention. I start off tight as normal, accumulate a healthy stack. I suck out on one person (who shouldn't have called my push, but that's OK, bad plays are +EV for everyone else) to get a very healthy stack. I bully my way up to chip leader with 100 remaining or so. Then I get beautiful KK in the SB. It was my 2nd big pair of the tourny so I have to think how to play it. A tighter player makes a raise from MP. This player has about 85% of my stack so is fairly deep. The flop comes down 7-high. I bet, he raises, I push, he calls. His 5's connected with the flop for a set and now I'm down to less than average in chips. I figured there was enough overpairs 88-QQ that he could have to make pushing a good move.

I go on tilt a bit and start pushing for the blinds the next few hands. I get a caller with my Q6os against his K8os. I river two pair against his top pair. I settle down. I now have a maniac's image and callers, this is just what I want. The margins are going to be much slimmer (as in A5 vs KQ), but the fact remains that I will now have callers. I go super-monkey-aggro. My AT is getting calls from KJ. My AJ getting called by A8. I'm doubling up left and right. Before you know it, I have a serious stack and revert to playing solid, hoping to cash in my tight image with even larger pre-flop equity margins. It works. I'm up to over double the chip average (more than the guy who spiked a set against me). I have about 150k to the Chip Leader's 240k and a wide gap between 1st and 5th's chips. I get AA. Needless to say I'm raising those bitches from UTG because people think I could have anything. I get a 100k stack pusher from the SB (from 11k to 100k... nice move fucknuts). I call, able to taste the chip lead. As my roommate watches the flop comes 469. Turn is a beautiful 4. I point at the screen, turn to my roommate and say, "Come on baby, I've got some good kharma, don't do it!" BLAM. A motherfucking rivered Queen. Such is my tournament life. Get deep, get sucked out on. Rinse, Repeat.

Poker Buys Some Nice Shit!

Now that I have stable employment I can start investing some of my poker capital into some nice shit.

Not to mention my recent acquisition of an 8GB iPod Nano.

The best thing is that my 5 year old son is going to have a Hell of a nice Christmas as well. Mwa hahahaha.

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